From Garn's recollections:

Trolls and Traps

My next assignment was another seemingly typical job from my Fighter's Guild experience up till that point. Modryn asked me to check up on a band of Guild members who were supposed to be cleaning out a troll infested cave but hadn't been heard back from in some time. Modryn was particularly troubled by this one though, as the group was headed up by none other than Viranus Donton, the son of the Guildmaster whom I had brought along with me on an earlier assignment as a sort of confidence building and mentoring exercise. He was sure Viranus and his group would be able to handle the assignment and, even if it had been taking longer than anticipated, would have kept in communication with the Guild. Off I went to "Forsaken Mine" located near the city of Leyawiin.

"I like my trolls served flaming hot."

As soon as I entered the old mine it became obvious that something had gone terribly awry - there were a few bodies of Fighter's Guild members scattered throughout the various shafts and rooms. Of course, I discovered troll corpses as well, but nothing that seemed to indicate that the trolls were putting up a particularly fierce fight. Curious, I checked the bodies of some of the dead Guild members and noted that they seemed to have mostly been struck by weapons - swords, axes, and arrows. Trolls are not known to be very intelligent creatures and definitely did not use more than the most primitive weapons such as sticks and rocks in my experience. While this was quite puzzling the riddle was soon solved in blunt fashion: amongst the bodies I found the body of a man wearing the telltale armor of the Blackwood Company. Had the Blackwood Company been here as well? It seemed likely that they were responsible for whatever happened here. Still, I had yet to encounter a body recognizable as as Viranus and had started to encounter the more and more living trolls so I figured I'd continue exploring the mines and at least attempt to finish the original contract.

"Found him!"

I did eventually discover Viranus's body. I found a bloody journal laying nearby which was quite revealing. It seemed that Viranus's group was clearing out the trolls when Blackwood Company members suddenly ambushed. As quickly as they appeared they then vanished. Viranus was gravely wounded in the attack but managed to crawl away and record his last moments in the journal as some of the surviving trolls searched for him. A disturbing end and one that would no doubt trouble the leadership of The Fighter's Guild to as of yet unforeseen levels.

"Rank amateurs? That's all he has to say after that?"

Modryn was quite angry. I could see the hatred in his eyes has he cursed the Blackwood Company and vowed revenge. He told me that he'd break the bad news to Vilena, the Guildmaster, himself but asked me to keep a low profile in the meantime. Given the circumstance and respecting Modryn's wishes, I decided to ride far back to the East to see if Burz had any work for me at the Cheydinhal guild hall.

Good old Burz gro-Khash had a simple job, or at least it would have been pretty simple if he weren't so concerned with berating me about making sure I did it properly. Still, I was getting used to his temperament and he was an Orc after all. I was tasked with locating and returning Orc nobleman Lord Rugdumph gro-Shurgak's missing daughter. An Orc nobleman? Perhaps there was more to Burz's tone this time around.

Arriving at Lord Rugdumph's Estate I spoke with Lord Rugdumph himself about the contract. While Lord Rugdumph was quite an interesting character the case seemed pretty cut and dry: his daughter was likely abducted by a group of ogres who lived in a nearby cave. Off I went.

"Look at these cute little guys!"

After a short hike around the perimeter of the estate looking for clues I headed east towards the area that Lord Rugdumph had suspected I might find her. Sure enough, as I crept through the woods I spotted her surrounded by three brutish ogres. She seemed to be unharmed but without knowing for how much longer I jumped out from behind a tree and hurled a rock towards them to get their attention. It worked, as all three ogres started my way leaving Lady Rogbut to make a run for it. I drew my sword and fought the three ogres. Despite their size these ogres obviously hadn't done much fighting in their day and were no match for a blade and a few well timed fire spells. As I wiped my sword clean on the last of the ogres I called for Lady Rogbut to escort her home.

"Order is restored... weirdos!"

Burz was quite pleased about the fact that I was able to close out that contract so easily even if he seemed to be incapable of offering a complement that wasn't backhanded. Thankfully I didn't have to endure his unpleasant demeanor for too long as he had another job already waiting and offered it to me right then and there. The people of Harlun's Watch, a small village south of the city, had been recently experienced a number of disappearances and wanted the Fighter's Guild to track down their missing villagers.

I rode down to Harlun's Watch and spoke to the contact for the contract, a Dunmer woman named Drarana Thelis. Drarana told me that the residents had started seeing strange lights in the swamp at night for the past several days and that some villages had foolishly gone out to investigate at different times, never returning. I waited for nightfall and then set off towards the swamp, sword in hand.

"Ouch! Ouch! Fuck! Fuck!"

As I reached the swampy western shore of the Reed River I could definitely see them. Three bright yellow glowing balls hovering around the entrance to a rocky cave face. I watched them for a moment and noted them disappearing and reappearing. How unusual. I attempted to approach them stealthily but the terrain made it difficult to conceal my footsteps and soon I found myself stepping into a deep, wet hole causing my armor and packs to clang together loudly. Soon they were upon me and I could feel them sapping the very life from me as they hovered closer. These weren't just lights, they weren't some kind of mage's enchantment or natural phenomena, these were will-o-the-wisps! I'd never encountered a will-o-the-wisp since escaping my cell many months ago but I've heard tale of them both in prison and since. I had personally always regarded them as legend... but here they were, attacking me.

I freed my foot and raised my shield to attempt to push the wisps off, giving myself just enough time to summon a Dremora Lord to help me fend off the attack. Although it took some time to take the wisps down I found that they caused a lot less damage to me than the rumors would have had me believe, thankfully.

"Again! Trolls plus fire: a winning combination!"

With no more will-o-the-wisps in sight I lit a torch and began to look for signs of what became of the missing villagers. With nothing obvious cluing me in I decided to venture into the near by cave. As I explored the dark, damp cave I soon came across a swamp troll which I quickly put down with my usual combination of fire magic and steel. Venturing further into the cave I came across more and more trolls. This place was absolutely rampant with the beasts, comparable to what the Forsaken Mine must have looked like before Viranus and company began clearing it out. Eventually I came upon a room where I found a grizzly site: a pile of bodies in various states of decomposition. The wisps must have lured the villages into the cave where they were then killed and eaten by trolls. Disgusting. I decided that since I couldn't return any good news about the fate of the villages I should at least clear out the entire cave of these bloodthirsty creatures.

"Wow, that's some genuine concern..."

With my task complete I returned to Harlun's Watch to bring Drarana the grim news. While she was disturbed to hear of the fate of her villagers she was at least pleased that I had taken care of the problem and rewarded me with a nice enchanted ring. I tried to refuse the reward but she insisted and I returned to Cheydinhal to report to Burz. With no more contracts available in the area I said my farewells, loaded my belongings onto my horse, and began to journey back out west to Anvil.

Random observation: Gah, you do a lot of looking for people in caves in these Fighter's Guild quests!

Rebel FM - Still one of my favorites. The show's format is largely the same as the last time I mentioned it with Anthony Gallegos and Arthur Gies typically being joined by Tyler Barber and Matt Chandronait. They discuss what they've been playing, sometimes getting into a topical discussion, and then read and answer letters from listeners. Unfortunately they haven't been doing very many relationship letters or anything else all too controversial recently, but it is still an enjoyable listen. Unfortunately they killed off their Rebel FM Game Club episodes quite a while ago.

The Comedy Button - After my last posting The Gamespy Debriefings changed quite a bit, first with the introduction of "The Brians", Brian Miggels and Brian Altano, two comedy writers who drastically changed the focus of the show to be much less on-topic and much more humorous, then by the introduction of the hilarious Scott Bromley which pushed those elements into overdrive. Over time The Debriefings really became the Brian Altano and Scott Bromley show, with Anthony mostly serving as a kind of moderator, while Ryan Scott was mostly there as fodder for Brian and Scott's jokes. When Scott Bromley got laid off from IGN The Comedy Button was born. The Comedy Button is largely the same show only with the addition of Destructiod's Max Scoville and the now absolute absence of any pretense of needing to censor themselves or even approach sensible topics. This show always has me laughing like a maniac when I listen to it though by warned: it's crude and usually over-the-top humor will definitely rub some people the wrong way.

Game Scoop! / Knockin' Boots - I got into Game Scoop! after Anthony Gallegos (and the rest of Gamespy) and Arthur Gies both got picked up by IGN and started appearing on some of their podcasts but soon found the IGN regulars to have a lot of appeal of their own. Daemon Hatfield is a great host with a very likable personality and Greg Miller is (usually) fucking hilarious. Daemon and Greg's friendship comes up often and is pretty genuinely endearing and itself a big source of laughs. The other IGN regulars fit into the formula well too. The podcast stays pretty on-topic covering mostly gaming news across all of the major platforms.

Knockin' Boots is a spin off show which takes the same cast and has them answering relationship letters. It's a little rougher around the edges thanks to the fact that the crew often drinks while recording it and they (especially Greg) can get a little out of control. I've also noticed that they tend to focus a lot more on silly sex and teen dating questions that have been answered over and over again rather than ever focusing on more serious relationship topics. If that's what they want to do, fine, but it seems like the well might be running a little dry...

Gamers With Jobs Conference Call - As I mentioned last time, these guys remind me a bit of Idle Thumbs. Since Idle Thumbs is no longer around I started listening to the GWJ podcast regularly once again. The regulars seem to come from different perspectives than most of the gaming podcasters I've run across, being older gamers and often focusing on more obscure, PC based games and indie titles. They often get into lengthy discussions about topics related to gaming as well. While it is often pretty funny, it does a great job of staying on topic and being interesting and informative most of the time.

The Indoor Kids - This is a relatively new podcast that I feel needs some love as it has quickly become one of my favorites. It is hosted by comedian Kumail Nanjiani and his wife Emily Gordon and every episode features at least one guest. The guests are always pretty unique people, mostly other comedians and comedy writers including some pretty big names such as Tom Lennon from The State and Reno 911! fame. This podcast is always hilarious and has an amazing habit of immediately running off the rails into lengthy and sometimes deep discussions about the more emotional side of gaming, such as sentimental childhood memories, gaming as escapism, etc. Highly recommended!

"Err. Yes, it's a racing game..."

I admit that I might have missed the boat a little bit since all of my friends have long since put away their copies of Paradise meaning I wouldn't get a great experience with the drop-in multiplayer nor all the fun to be had with the "Road Rules" score fights. Still, I hopped in, so long after the game has been heavily patched and supplemented with tons of DLC, and played through the core single-player experience. That is to say, doing races and events to unlock more cars and eventually getting to my final license as well as working to satisfy a few achievements and whatnot. The racing itself, at least after you start unlocking better cars, is the same old tight, fun, arcade racing that I love about Burnout. It took me a bit of time to get into it but once it clicked, I really found myself enjoying the hell out of it. The open world structure of Paradise doesn't really add a whole lot to the game for me, in fact in many ways I think I would have rather had the old style tracks, and having to travel to find new events, make repairs, and swap cars is kind of a drag, but generally speaking it works quite well.

"Expect to rack up millions of dollars in property damage in your time in Paradise City."

The removal of "Crash Mode" is sorely disappointing and the dismal "Showtime" mode is absolutely no replacement for its absence. Speaking of crashing, I wish take downs could lead to massive pile ups instead of only getting credit for the one car you take down first and then having the game more or less put you on autopilot (even leading you to avoid potential crashes yourself!) while it is showing you the wreckage. Relating to that, actually, my main complaint about the game is probably all of the oddities about the user experience - the way the music/radio system works, some of the odd little animations, cut-scenes, and screens the game forces you to watch all of the time, the map being almost useless, the fact that they had to patch in a "retry event" option and as a result it is in a semi-stupid place, etc.

Still, all this time later is it a good game? Definitely! I'm betting that if Criterion have taken some of the valuable lessons from Paradise to heart the next game in the Burnout series could very well be a total masterpiece!

(Oh, and while I didn't absolutely hate it and some of the seemingly random music selections are pretty fun, I find the whole concept of "Crash FM" to be hilariously dumb. The more I think about it, the more absurd it is. Can't someone from the FCC shut this shit down before DJ Atomica inspires yet another traffic related fatality? Christ!)

Per usual, screenshots totally stolen. Probably also from the PC version instead of the 360 version, I'd guess, but you get it.

"Looks shocking similar to other recent Call of Duty games, eh?"

So anyway, random observation: I got into a lobby last night – nothing special about it, Standard Playlists>Team Deathmatch, etc. This game was different though – everyone was using like... teamwork and tactics? People were moving in groups, securing and holding areas before advancing, using covering fire and other suppression tactics, moving slowly instead of running around like morons, etc. It was totally alien compared to what I usually run into in Call of Duty, including in MW3 up until then. I’m really not sure what the fuck was going on… it was like I somehow ended up in the middle of a clan match or something, only that did not appear to be the case by looking at their clan tags. Anyway, having played a fair share of "serious" tactical games and clan matches, I actually found my niche and ended up doing quite well in that match, though afterwards I continued to reap the rewards of my curse of usually doing fair to excellent in my first match of the night and getting utterly slaughtered for the rest. *sigh*

In other news: OH MY FUCK SKYRIM IS OUT!!!

"Expect to be utterly drenched in Ork blood at least 70% of the time."

I know I've talked about it many times on here before now: I'm a Warhammer fan. I admit that I was a little skeptical about Space Marine for various reasons but when I heard that the multiplayer was apparently quite fun in preview events I decided that it would be cool to dedicate myself to an online game again, if only for a little while. Preorders (for the Xbox 360 version) were launched and, after a minor screw up with Amazon, I got my copy almost on release day. Since I was dedicating myself mostly to the multiplayer I, quite uncharacteristically, skipped the single player campaign and dove right in.

First, the game. It's developed by Relic Entertainment, the same guys who made the excellent Dawn of War games. Good pedigree, I think most would agree. The odd thing is that Space Marine isn't an RTS game, it's a 3rd Person Shooter with a side of "Character Action" which is definitely a bit of a departure for Relic. It was also released on consoles along with PC, again, a bit of a departure for them. You play as an Ultramarine captain attempting to secure some objectives (chiefly an Imperial titan) on a forge world during a massive Ork invasion. The forces of Chaos also make an appearance (don't they always?) You do a little over the shoulder shooting with bolters, plasma weapons, and the like but probably more notably you'll spend a lot of time wading into the huge mobs of Orks slicing and dicing with chainswords and power axes. Occasionally you'll also strap on a jump pack and go leap-frogging off of enemy heads while smashing them down with a massive thunder hammer. Talk about fun! The campaign itself is a pretty linear experience and while I'd imagine it might be pretty mundane for most people there's plenty of fan service here if you're a Warhammer 40k fan. So yeah, when I did finally play it I enjoyed it.

"Stop! Hammer time!"

Anyway, back to the multiplayer: tons of fun! I've never played anything quite like it. The closest comparison, and one that is drawn often, is probably Gears of War, though it feels substantially different in numerous areas and anyone who thinks this game is just some shoddy Gears clone is definitely quite mistaken. I particularly loved the flexability and balance between the three classes: Tactical, Assault, and Devastator (and their Chaos equivalents.)

Loadout and armor unlocks and customization can be a little basic compared to some other games with persistent unlock systems these days, but there's still plenty of variety and the new rewards come reasonably quickly. The weapons and their various perks provide quite a bit of variety and I felt like most of them were nuanced enough to give experimenting with different load outs and/or going for each weapon's associated unlocks a good amount of depth. Personally, my favorite tactic was to run around as a Tactical Marine rocking either a melta gun (essentially a very short range shotgun) or a storm bolter (similar to sub-machine guns in many games) using the class's dodge roll maneuver to gain ground on long range opponents or out-position Assault marines. I also enjoyed my grenades and sometimes took the extra damage and/or extra grenade perks when I was feeling a little cheap. Other highlights: The heavy bolter, which the Devastator starts off with, is amazing once you get a feel for it, and the Assault class is all kinds of fun in and of itself.

"This would be a fairly accurate screenshot of multiplayer if it weren't for the teamwork depicted."

Anyway, all said I really enjoyed my time with the game and plan on dusting it off again soon with the recent release of the free Horde-like co-op DLC and the announcement of future paid DLC. It is kind of a shame that the game had to release so close to Gears of War 3, never mind it's generic name, because I really feel like it was passed over by too many people who would have probably loved it. Still, following some of my favorite gaming forums it seems that the game definitely did take hold with a lot of people, particularly on PC, so maybe there is some hope for an eventual sequel.

I also played Warhammer 40,000: Kill Team on Xbox Live Arcade which is... well, absolutely nothing like Space Marine. It's a fairly simple, fairly typical Twin Stick Shooter set in the Warhammer 40k universe - you pick your class, which determines your weapon, special attacks, etc. and make your way through a giant space hulk slaughtering Orks. Tyranids also make a bit of a cameo at one point as well.

"Orks, fire, some chains... ahh fuck if I know."

I played the demo and wasn't too impressed but figured I might pick it up eventually... then I got Space Marine and learned that thanks to a bit of cross promotion the only way to unlock the Assault class's power sword in multiplayer was by playing Kill Team and, what do you know, I was sold! I played through the campaign via local shared screen co-op with a friend and, all in all, a few annoying/frustrating sections aside, I think we both had fun with it. The achievements didn't hurt either.

A bit Warhammer'd out for a while, on to the next game!

As usual, not much in the way of good screenshots... which surprises me since *at least* Space Marine was also on PC, but I suppose not enough good blogs and forums go out of their way to make sure their images are indexes. :/ These are PR shots with no GUI shown but they do at least represent the game. The Kill Team one is accurate but simply not a great shot.