The Tale of Garn Chapter 39

Warning: potential side quest (Mages Guild) spoilers ahead!

From the journals of Garn:

Intrusions

Having acquired all of my recommendations I’ve made my way back to the Arcane University in the Imperial City to speak with Raminus Polus. After officially welcoming me into the guild he’s set me on the task of crafting my own Mage’s Staff – a custom that every newly accepted member of the guild partakes in. I’m somewhat familiar with these Mage’s Staffs – not only have I seen many of the mages across Cyrodiil carrying them but I had to recover one for Ardaline in Bravil as part of receiving my recommendation from the Bravil guildhall. The first step of the process will be to venture to Wellspring Cave for assistance in selecting the wood I’ll be using from a nearby sacred grove.

Not the greeting I was expecting!
“Not the greeting I was expecting!”

I’ve made it to the grove and retrieved the wood with which I’ll craft my stave, however, all did not go as planned. When I first entered the cave I wasn’t greeted by the mages who steward the grove, rather only darkness and an eerie silence. As I crept further in I soon discovered the body of a mage illuminated by the flickering light of fallen torch. Lying next to the mage another body – one that I suspected by her garb to be that of a necromancer. I continued through the cave and found it to be in quite a ravaged state, as if the intruders were searching for something. Intruders there were too – I encountered and fought several more necromancers until finally reaching the exit to the grove. As I cautiously slid the door open I saw another mage fending off three more attackers. He looked wounded and was obviously outnumbered so I immediately sprang forth and entered the melee. While I slew them all I was unfortunately too slow save the mage.

Necromancers!
“Necromancers!”

Raminus seems deeply troubled by my recount of these events despite appearing to be attempting to hide it. He doesn’t discuss the situation with me further and dispatches me to meet with Delmar in the Chironasium to continue the construction of my staff. I know little of necromancers outside of my own knowledge of conjuration and my limited run-ins with them in my travels thus far – well, that, and that necromancy is outlawed by the Guild. I suppose the matter will be discussed and dealt with by higher ranked guild members. Delmar and I decide on how to fashion and enchant the staff. I admit, the process is fascinating and learning more of these sorts of arts seems like it might make my choice to join the Guild a fruitful one. I’m to collect the staff tomorrow.

Delmar has crafted a fine staff for me. I’ve had it enchanted with a fire spell given my affinity for using such magics and it has a look that would suit a battlemage such as myself if I were to ever decide to wield a staff in combat. For now the staff will make a fine keepsake for my mantle. I return to Raminus to present him with it. Raminus’s seems quite pleased with the results and congratulates me on officially being promoted to the rank of journeyman within the guild. It’s at last finally time for my first real assignment.

Raminus tells me that my next task, while seemingly menial, relates to the necromancer attack on Wellspring Cave. He asked me to travel to Skingrad and meet with Count Hassildor to retrieve a book that the Guild had recently loaned to him. While this struck me a little odd it was, after all, the first thing the council was trusting me with, so I’m preparing for my journey south without lodging any sort of complaint.

It was dusk as I walked into the great hall at Castle Skingrad. I was greeted by Mercator Hosidus, the Count’s steward, who informed me that the Count was occupied and I’d need to, instead, make an appointment to see him on the morrow. The next day I visited the castle again only to be given a similar story by Mercator. This time he told me the Count would see me but preferred to meet me in the fields outside of the west wall of the city at 2 in the morning. Odd, but I assume he has his reasons. I’m rather disappointed by this treatment as I made great haste on my ride here hoping to impress the council with the speediness that I completed my task. Raminus had implied that the Count could be unusual, perhaps this type of thing is what he was referring to. Still, I will see him tonight.

Who called this meeting?!
“Who called this meeting?!”

As I ride up to the appointed area near Tamika’s vineyard, my sword unfastened from my scabbard, I look around but do not see a sign of anyone. I keep my guard up, still suspicious about this meeting place and the unorthodox time. Suddenly I hear Mercator’s voice greeting me from the darkness. A torch is brought up and I see two others with him but no one I could make out to be the Count. Mercator tells me that I wouldn’t in fact be meeting the Count, that he didn’t even know I was in the city, and that I would have to be dealt with for potentially interrupting their plans. Necromancers? Before I have any more time to react I’m knocked from my horse by a powerful spell. I attempt to draw my sword as I try to keep track of the men though through the crops and shifting torchlight. The next moment I hear the sounds of a skirmish unfolding. I quickly find my feet and charge Mercator. The traitorous Imperial had death in his eyes but his dark magics were no match for my Daedric steel. As I finish him I turn to find myself alone in the field with a man looking at me disapprovingly, shaking his head.

Why no, why would YOU have anything to do with the undead?!
“Why no, why would YOU have anything to do with the undead?!”

Dressed in fine plate armor and wearing a strong, if also a little gaunt face, the man introduces himself as Janus Hassildor, Count of Skingrad. He tells me that he’s suspected Mercator as being in league with the necromancers for some time now though he wanted him to reveal who else he might be working with before acting upon his suspicions. He also tells in no uncertain terms that he’s disappointed in me for not knowing that I was being duped by the Guild – I wasn’t sent here to retrieve a book at all but rather to spy on him. With that, he asks me to inform info Raminus to that he is certainly not affiliated with the necromancers and that he does not appreciate them sending someone to him under false pretenses. I have little recourse but to agree, dust myself off, and head back to my inn room for the night.

Arriving back at the Arcane University, Raminus apologizes for putting me in the awkward and ultimately dangerous situation but explains that the council doesn’t completely trust the Count despite working closely with him for some time now – his loyalty had to be ascertained and for that my mission is considered a success. I’ve been promoted to the rank of Evoker and given my next task. It’s not that I have any issue with the idea of spying on the Count but they could have let me in on it at least. It makes me question the motives of the council – what exactly did they think they were sending me into?

I hear there's an alchemist in the Market District with a potion for that!
“I hear there’s an alchemist in the Market District with a potion for that!”

Raminus tells me that he has another task in mind for me. Something hopefully a little less stressful and he assures me that no necromancers will be involved this time. I’m to meet with Irlav Jarol about an Ayleid ruin that the Guild is currently excavating. Irlav fills me in on the details – evidently the ruin appears to be completely intact and while they’ve managed to clear out and map most of the top level, they’ve discovered some sort of magical locking mechanism that has kept the rest of the structure sealed off from the team. I’m to speak with Skaleel once I arrive.

I set off to Vahtacen which is located near the banks of the Reed River to the east of the capital. When I come upon the area that Irlav described I see none of the usual trappings of an Elven ruin – in fact, all that’s here is a muddy, unassuming cave. If it weren’t for the torches and the fresh footprints everywhere I might have never guessed the entrance to the ruin was within. As I made my way through the cave I soon found where the main structure had been breached. Torches light the way until I reach a large chamber where several guild members and other laborers have setup. I quickly find Skaleel who explains the situation in only slightly more detail that Irlav. Unlike Irlav, who seemed largely distant from the project, Skaleel appeared to know almost too much about it, her frustration palpable.

Quite the puzzle - you just have to read the instructions. Why did I join this stupid guild again?
“Quite the puzzle – you just have to read the instructions. Why did I join this stupid guild again?”

I venture into the chamber with the magical locking device. Denel, another mage, explains that they’ve recently discovered that casting spells at the strange pillar like structure in the center of the room seems to be having some sort of reaction though, so far, the reaction has only been in the form of smaller stones in each corner of the chamber coming together to violently shock the caster. I examine the room but it looks like nothing I’ve ever seen before. As I’m leaning against a wall I feel a sharp edge catch my hand. What was this? I wipe away the countless years of dust to reveal the unmistakable shapes that make up ancient Ayleid writing. Denel quickly rushes off to fetch Skaleel who returns with a book on translating Ayleid. As we wipe away more and more of this writing we begin translating. While each message is cryptic at best, they all seem to mention different elements: one fire, one frost, and the other two magicka, though one seeming positive and the other negative. We concoct a plan and soon I’m casting the first spell – a firebolt at the strange mechanism. Success! It moves revealing a hint at an inner chamber. Soon, as we cast all four spells, the mechanism completely moves giving us access to a stairway further into the ruins.

I wish I were an Elf so I could turn into one of these fuckers when I die.
“I wish I were an Elf so I could turn into one of these fuckers when I die.”

As I’m the only one equipped for such potentially dangerous exploration I venture down alone. Like most of the Ayleid ruins I’ve been in so far this one is filled with an unappealing mixture of terrible undead and brutal traps. Still, I’m quite experienced at dealing with clearing out such dungeons by now and soon find myself in what seems to be the main hall of the structure. In the center of the room sits large raised platform surrounded by stairs. This looks similar to the throne rooms I’ve seen in other Elven sites only this time the very center is covered with a large carved stone box. Chains connect it to a number of suspended pulleys and hanging counterweights. There has to be a… sure enough, a switch!

Ouch! I don't often get totally owned but when I make sure I get cool pictures of it.
“Ouch! I don’t often get totally owned but when I make sure I get cool pictures of it.”

I flick the switch and the sound of the heavy chains ripping through metal rings is almost deafening as it echos through the hall. The dust that is thrown into the air is all but blinding as well. I take a step back and find my footing unsure – I’m stepping on something soft and fleshy. I spin and draw my sword – a lich! It raises a minion from the dusty floor and points its ancient gnarled staff at me menacingly. Just then I hear the sound of more undead being summoned. How many liches were in this room? No matter! I summon a Daedra warrior and block a weak blow from a skeletal automaton. The battle is fierce – I bash the head off of the first undead then I hack a lich almost clean in half from his shoulder down to his stomach. I turn to send a lightning bolt crackling into another. Soon they all lay in piles of dusty gore.

The throne area, now accessible, contains what may have once been a rich cache of ancient Elven armor – beautifully crafted and richly decorated though most of it seems to have deteriorated long ago. The helmet seem quite intact though so I’m bringing it back to Skaleel as proof of my discovery. Skaleel is elated at the quality of the item and suggests I immediately bring it back to the University. After imparting some information about the newly explored chambers and saying my goodbyes I’ll set off on my way back east to deliver the good news and the guild’s latest Ayleid artifact.

Duking it Out 2

Duke Nukem Forever doesn’t need much of an introduction – it’s incredibly well known even if mostly thanks to its lengthy stint as the official Internet poster-child for vaporware. The game did take an utterly ridiculous 15 years to see the light of day so fair enough. Upon release though, the game got trashed by seemingly every other person on the Internet with a keyboard and a passing knowledge of it. I suppose it’s somewhat understandable, I mean no game could possibly live up to 15 years of built-up hype and it would have taken a miracle to convert public perception of the game after that long. Whatever! I hate pile-ons and I’m willing to look at it with an open mind. So is it really that bad?

Somehow they made me hate octabrains even more.
“Somehow they made me hate octabrains even more.”

Just like Duke Nukem 3D, Duke Nukem Forever is a first person shooter in which you play as the venerable hero Duke Nukem as he tries to stop an alien invasion of near-future earth. Despite the similar story setups the gameplay makes a notable veer away from that of the first game. Considering how dramatically the FPS genre has changed since those early days it would probably be more notable if it didn’t, though. Instead DNF takes obvious queues from its successors. Games such as Half Life 2 and Halo are obvious influences with a much more guided, linear approach to level design, cutscenes and somewhat of an actually recognizable plot, driving and turret segments, and even physics puzzles. Controversially, it also incorporates features such as recharging health and a limit to how many different types of guns you can carry at a time.

Scoring a headshot in the awesome intro sequence.
“Scoring a headshot in the awesome intro sequence.”

The game was nice and short, clocking in at around 10 hours for me. I think my favorite parts of the campaign were the sections where you got shrunk down in size. Sure, it’s a bit gimmicky but it reminded me of all of those old “giant” user made maps we used to deathmatch on in games like the original Unreal Tournament. Too fun! I was actually reminded a lot of Prey during the game, somehow, which is mostly a very positive comparison to make. All said my only real complaint about the gameplay (noting that I played this patched meaning I could hold 4 weapons instead of just 2… thankfully) is that I felt like the difficulty was noticeably inconsistent, with boss battles being a big spike up compared rest of the game. I know that isn’t necessarily unusual (bosses are supposed to be hard, duh!) but I’d literally go for a few levels without ever being in any real danger only to die 10 times in the first phase of a boss fight. Irritating.

This screenshot is gross on so many levels...
“This screenshot is gross on so many levels…”

DNF still features all of the referential humor and satire that Duke Nukem 3D was known for only this time it’s totally cranked up. I swear, some of the damn silly lines Duke delivers and situations he gets in this time around make the game seem almost like parody of Duke 3D and I often found that funnier than the actual jokes. Unfortunately the casual objectification of women of the previous Duke Nukem games is also cranked up to absurd if not outright offensive levels and where Duke 3D flirted with nudity DNF has tits and ass all over the place. Thankfully despite large doses of it early these scenes make up a relatively small portion of the game and the aforementioned ridiculous tone of the whole thing makes it hard to take too seriously. I do have to wonder if they really missed the boat on their target audience by delaying the game so long though. That is, it seems it probably won’t resonate with today’s younger gamers and since so many of us who played Duke 3D did so as kids and teenagers it likely won’t appeal to us in quite the same way either. I guess what I’m saying is that Duke is a bit of a relic.

Moving on from the negativity for a moment, also back from Duke Nukem 3D are most of the weapons and enemies, all more or less intact. Hell, the game even starts out with you reenacting the boss fight from act 3! Awesome bit of fan service there. I was disappointed that they got rid of Duke’s “mighty boot” as an always available melee attack (a feature that was ahead of its time!) but I still enjoyed tearing up alien scum with the ripper and sending rockets into the asses of those annoying octabrain bastards. There were plenty of other throwbacks to Duke 3D in the game, from classic lines to all of the neat little interactive environment objects (which now actually serve somewhat of a purpose) but my favorite of all had to be the glorious introduction to the game which recounts the plot of Duke 3D in a highly stylized, James Bond movie intro sequence like way.

Offroading in the Mighty Foot.
“Offroading in the Mighty Foot.”

The graphics got panned a lot when the game was first released but I found them to be decent enough with the character faces and animations being the main low points. I was actually pleasantly surprised to find that the game did a good job of representing your whole body from first person – something somewhat rare that I personally really find helps me get more immersed in first person games. The sound is decent and while the music seems like it mostly consists of throwbacks to the classic soundtrack of Duke 3D let’s not forget that people fucking love the soundtrack of Duke 3D! I didn’t really encounter any of the bugs, performance problems, or any of the other technical issues I heard a lot about though I understand those issues were mostly with the console versions, never mind the fact by the time I got around to playing DNF it had already been patched more than once.

I'm not entirely sure what's going on here but I like it.
“I’m not entirely sure what’s going on here but I like it.”

Overall, while it definitely doesn’t feel like 15 years of work (because it isn’t, technically) it is a fairly solid effort and even with its modernized systems it manages to feel like a bit of a throwback to the golden era of FPS games. That said, unless you’re a big fan of Duke Nukem it doesn’t really have all that much to offer. Still, the answer to my original question is a resounding “no!” Duke Nukem Forever might not be amazing, it might be offensive to some, not at all funny to others, and not at all worth waiting 15 years for, but it certainly isn’t the horrible train wreck piece of trash that you’ve probably been led to believe it is. Bandwagons… blech.

Duking It Out 1

My Duke 3D retrospective was pretty epic. Sure, it’s not too much longer than my earlier ones but I put a lot of time into it. Tons of research and tons of gaming. Not only did I play through the entire 4 episodes of the Atomic Edition multiple times on several different platforms but I also played through the entirety of Duke Nukem: Manhattan Project and Duke Nukem Forever. While I’m not going to write full reviews of them I figured I’d give a little more of my impressions of both games while they’re still fresh on my mind.

Duke Nukem: Manhattan Project was released on PC back in 2002 while Duke fans were still very much waiting around wondering where the fuck Duke Nukem Forever was. While there had been a few other Duke Nukem related games on other platforms Manhattan Project was the first time Duke’s original fanbase on PC were catered to outside of expansions for Duke Nukem 3D itself. I remember reading reviews of it in various gaming magazines and on a few of the sites I read at the time as being fairly positive, particularly considering it was released as a budget title. Researching Duke’s many offspring for my Duke 3D article I figured I might finally give Manhattan Project a try and learning that it was available on Xbox Live Arcade sealed the deal.

Dumb billboards and gibby goodnes, yep, Duke Nukem!
“Dumb billboards and gibby goodnes, yep, Duke Nukem!”

Manhattan Project is a side-scrolling platformer that, in the most basic sense, plays a lot like the original pre-Duke 3D Duke Nukem games. Platforming, shooting enemies, collecting keycards, backtracking, etc. Combine this gameplay with the updated oneliner-spouting, babe loving Duke and lots more obvious influence from the weapons, enemies, and environments of Duke 3D, and that is pretty much Manhattan Project in a nutshell. It’s a relatively simple game all in all – there’s only ever one babe to rescue and one keycard to track down on any one level though it still does a decent job of trying to make the levels not feel too linear. The weapons are decently varied and feel pretty satisfying to use and the mountains of quippy dialog from Jon St. John keep things lively. The humor is still pretty close to that of Duke 3D though there is a slight negative shift in the tone of some of the jokes and the way women are treated – that is the jokes are sometimes a bit sillier and the women are definitely more sexualized and objectified.

Don't mind me, I'm just hanging out...
“Don’t mind me, I’m just hanging out…”

One of the more interesting things about the game is that it was one of the first “2.5D platformers” I’d ever heard of. That is, a 2D platformer done entirely in a polygon based engine that leverages its 3D capabilities to do interesting things with planes, camera movement, etc. It’s a little rough around the edges in that respect but mostly only because the developers seemed to be having a little bit too much fun with some of those aspects as some of them, particularly changing perspectives and changing planes, quickly wear out their welcome and start feeling gimmicky. One thing that particularly annoyed me was that you could only shift planes at designated locations but I’d occasionally bump into other spots where it looked like I should have been able to and no, I’d have to backtrack to just the right spot. The camera can also occasionally do some silly things too but all and all it’s perfectly serviceable.

Now with breathtaking 3D technology!
“Now with breathtaking 3D technology!”

The platforming itself sometimes bothered the shit out of me as the collision hit boxes seem totally off or at least massively oversized which meant sections that involved avoiding insta-death obstacles (spikes for instance) could be highly frustrating. Thankfully such sections were pretty rare so other than a couple of instances of repeating the same section 20 times it wasn’t a deal breaker for me. The story was, as you might expect, practically nonexistent, mostly only setting the scenes from stage to stage, giving Duke a good excuse to shoot some pigs in the face and rescues some babes. The XBLA port is well done but it is definitely a “port” more than anything with no real updates to the rather outdated visuals or anything else not directly related to making the title work right on an Xbox 360.

Overall, I’d recommend the game if you’re a big Duke fan and it sounds at all appealing to you, otherwise I’d give it a pass. Part 2, wherein I get into the much more interesting Duke Nukem Forever, coming soon!

As usual my Xbox 360 screenshots were stolen from elsewhere. I had to cherry-pick these few out of the PR releases as few of them did a great job of representing how the game ACTUALLY looks.